For a person who writes as much as I do, you’d think I would have mastered communication a little better. I was reading something last night and my mind began to wander. The train of thought went something like this:
1-I really should not get into relationships with women I am not intellectually compatible with
2-That seems a little conceited.
3-That’s your parents talking. You are allowed to be discerning in your choices.
4-Women don’t think twice about saying a guy has to be 5’ 10”. Why shouldn’t I be able to have standards?
5-That’s funny, I’m going to post that.
I don’t know why I did not foresee people taking pity on me, people giving me pep talks and–and this is where I finally deleted the post–someone giving me advice on living and advising me to stop looking for a partner. “It’s like the perfect pair of shoes. Someday they’ll just show up.” The only thing that was missing was the “little buckaroo” at the end.
Even without the condescending tagline, it sent my blood pressure into the stratosphere. First of all, the thought of anyone pitying me is nauseating. I don’t need pity. I don’t begrudge anyone their domestic situations. Most of the people I know in marriages and long term partnerships are miserable and, if they could have swung it financially, would’ve split ages ago. I had the resources to get out of a bad situation. I think I’m probably more the object of envy rather than the one doing the envying.
All that aside, I do regret posting it. The thought that people see me as this dejected short person who’s pining away for the perfect lover makes me…want to think about something else. I get into relationships just fine. And I get out of them even better. Which is exactly what I was thinking about when that “train” that I first mentioned, took off from the station. “Why can’t I stay in relationships?”
The answer might be a lot less complicated than one might expect. If I could ignore physical attraction and focus solely on intellectual compatibility, a lot of three month disasters would’ve been prevented. I can be like a used car salesman telling myself that “opposites attract” and “people are people”. All of it is bullshit. People are people, that is true, and insofar as humanity is concerned, we are all here to connect and help one another. But for the most intimate unions, there needs to be a bit more to go on.
Or the excitement and the sex is going to wear down, say like around the three month mark, and all it takes is one good argument before reality comes home to roost. Next thing you know, you have an ex-girlfriend living with you in your one bedroom apartment and you start spending your time after work at the library.
And look, I like the guy who called me “little buckaroo” and tried explaining the facts of life to me. Let’s put aside the fact that I just wrote an entire article about how lame it is for people to give other people unsolicited advice. I just need to be very careful about what I post online. The entire world is constantly scrolling through “news feeds” just itching for something to click into and give their opinion about.
Steve Jobs, I blame this on you.
Most of the first world is in a huge mess. Fuel prices are out of control, groceries went up about 30% in the last three years, rents have doubled. In the US, getting cancer will most likely cost you your house. With all that, it makes a lot of sense that people are hiding behind their phones, arguing about everything from Courtney Love to The Sopranos. We all do it. I just happen to want to get off that bus. It’s a distraction and a shameful waste of time.
Facebook, of course, isn’t all bad. I spend a lot of time pretty isolated and it’s a platform that gives me access to all my fellow Elephant writers and old friends I don’t see that often. It helps me keep tabs on the interesting things my friends are doing, who’s working on books, who’s going to Europe, who’s going through divorces, and who’s getting married. But it seems like, for every useful piece of information, one must endure three vague posts, countless clickbait articles and bored baby boomers ranting about how the sky is falling. So is it really worth it?
Well, yes.
Because I was able to find the girl I used to play with when I was five and we are friends all over again. Because my ex-girlfriend from seventeen years is just a click away and always ready with a kind word. Because every so often someone finds me and says “I read your book and it changed my life.” And that’s the kind of stuff I wouldn’t give up for anything.
And finally, let’s not forget that Facebook is where most of you will find my articles–every Saturday morning at 7 am EST. And if they do nothing else, they remind my writer friends that the only thing better than the magic of inspiration is the drudgery of routine.
Because we can’t always be sure lightning is going to strike; but we can be sure the alarm clock will go off at 5 am.
And here I am Billy, at 7:12 a.m.ET commenting on your latest. "Little buckaroo"? - ugh, that's rude. Great read, as usual. And thank you too for the inspiration to write on Substack.
Thanks for being you and writing and sharing with the world Billy. On difficult days you have made me laugh, cry and want to keep writing.