What is the one universal truth that could be said about children? They are both, the most beautiful blessing that a person could ever be gifted and the saddest curse that a human can ever experience. They will take everything from you and they will give you a reason to battle onward. They will deplete all of your resources and then give you a reason to live. They are the littlest paradoxes in life.
As I said in my last column, hearing my oldest daughter refer to her mother’s boyfriend as her dad was one of the sharpest stab wounds I have ever felt. At the same time, being gifted artwork that my 7 year old, River, made for me in school can transport me to a place of ecstasy I’ve never been to. And if the extremes are all you think you get, you find, eventually, that you’re off the mark there, too.
Last weekend, in an attempt to win my way back into their hearts (or compete with this guy who currently resides with them), we drove an hour to an amusement park called “The Castle.” It was a lackluster experience. And I’m being charitable. I bought them cotton candy, which River almost threw up after twenty minutes in the bounce house. Then she smashed the back of her head on a wooden bench and began to cry that she wanted to go home.
When it was all over, I was about $100 poorer and I handed them back to my ex who sat in the passenger seat of her own car while Fonzie was driving. I kind of felt like an idiot. They could’ve easily had an awful time without all of that excess driving and wasted money.
This weekend is something else entirely. This weekend, I splurged on myself to go to the Omega Learning Center in Rhinebeck to attend a writing workshop with my hero, Cheryl Strayed. A writer that knows every aspect of the pain associated with children and broken homes. As a matter of fact, I’m not just here attending a workshop, I’m enjoying the cushiest accommodations they offer: a private cabin, private bath and three gorgeous vegan meals every day.
Yes, quite the change from sadness and sacrifice but entirely necessary. Our first session was a two hour introduction last night from 8pm-10pm. It was very inspirational. There is something about being surrounded by all of the energy of all of these writers. Usually, as we all know, we use Facebook and Instagram to obtain much of our inspiration. And there’s nothing at all wrong with it. I’ll refrain from saying that an in-person workshop “hits different” because my friend, Kerri hates that expression. Let’s just say it feels different—like Dickens used to say to Socrates in the olden days.
Is there a larger point to all of this babbling? Of course there is. Life isn’t easy for any of us. We get up when we feel like we should still be sleeping, we continue working long after we wish we could just go home. Some of us avoid the foods that would make us happy, some of us steer clear of drinking or partying or bad relationships. We sacrifice immediate gratification like it’s a second job.
This is the hallmark of adulthood. We still fuck up. Of course we do. But we course correct and we reward ourselves when we deserve a reward. This is life. The mad combination of our worst nightmares and our biggest dreams all coming true. And as writers, creators, poets, and musicians, it is our responsibility to make sure all of this pain and happiness doesn’t just go floating out into the ether.
We need to get it all down on record to inspire others. Not simply to create art themselves, but to live life to its fullest expanse of pain and happiness, grief and joy, success and failure. To remind others that, not only is this a universal truth, it is an inevitable one. No one gets to live here without smashing the back of their head into a few wooden benches. No one gets to make it to the finish line without puking up a little cotton candy.
And if you can stick around long enough, there will be luxurious accommodations at fancy workshops, homemade cards and love affairs.
Life is still beautiful, after all.
Kudos to you, Billy, for taking care of yourself this weekend, sounds like an amazing experience. I hope you had many in the moment moments at the retreat, that brought some peace into your world. I also hope you begin to have more joy mixed in with the sorrows on the teeter-totter of life. Realizing they have to co-exist, which is my daily mantra, is one thing but having the joys outweigh the sorrows every now and then sure does feel nice. Thank you for yet another treasure to read and reflect upon this week.
That friend of yours, Kerri, must be a curmudgeon. I can’t wait to hear about the workshop and I’m so happy you just went for it! Also, beautiful and heartfelt writing, as always. ❤️