It’s difficult for me not to feel like kind of a jerk for saying so, but the internet—particularly Facebook and its ilk—has turned stupidity into a sort of social currency. Phrases such as “I was today years old when I learned that news stood for north, east, west and south...” or “someone said 1993 was 30 years ago and now I can’t breathe,” and the very famous “find someone who looks at you the way Beyoncé is looking at LeBron” make me want to jettison my body off the nearest bell tower (which is really saying something because the nearest bell tower to me is in Westchester.)
And by the by, news is not an acronym and advising other people who they should be looking to start a relationship with—people who likely couldn’t find anyone to look at them in any way—is a bit callous. “Jeez, you know, you are exactly who I’ve always dreamed about but you just don’t look at me the way Beyoncé looks at LeBron.”
Furthermore, a dollar store calculator can help with subtracting 93 from 123. I fail to see where all the shock is coming from.
I’m kidding, though. I get it. No one wants to really come to terms with how long ago the nineties were, but it makes me wonder if previous generations had a much healthier relationship to time. Remember in the seventies when films like American Graffiti and Grease were all the rage? Before long, that nostalgic look back–only twenty years back mind you—spawned wildly successful shows like Happy Days and Laverne and Shirley?
The difference between the teens of the “Greased Lightening” era and the teens of the Studio 54 cocaine fueled era were staggering. What, exactly, is the difference between the teens of 2003 and now? Not much. Chew on that for a moment. Has the smartphone and social media caused a strange case of mass arrested development? It’s worth considering.
When was the last time you were driving down an interstate and saw someone in the passenger seat not staring at a 4x2 inch rectangle? When was the last time you saw someone at a live performance of anything not recording video of it in lieu of actually being present for the experience?
As a matter of fact, the days of people clapping after a particularly well performed song are long gone. You have to settle for people videoing you and posting it to their instagram account. This has seriously become the only indication that your efforts are being appreciated.
It would be hilarious if it wasn’t so tragic. There people are, with these somber and detached faces, making these short films to show all of their friends what a great time they’re having. The irony is, of course, that none of them are having a great time. And how could they be? They’re not even really there.
And speaking of detached faces, one day this woman—who I don’t know or follow—posted this gratuitous boob photo with the caption “I haven’t worn this sweater in fifteen years. What do you guys think?” I must have been in a mood because I commented, “I think you just want people to ogle your boobs.” Now, mind you, we’re talking about a photo of boobs. No face. No backdrop. Nothing.
Well, the responses were exactly what you might expect. One woman called me a misogynist. One woman said I should mind my own business. Larry Lunchbox from Lansing replied, “You’re mad about tits?” Finally, the lady who posted the pic said she had every right to feel good about herself. This was followed by a dozen “hear hears” and jeers from the studio audience. “Leave her alone you bitter old person!”
I do not disagree. I think every woman has a right to feel great about themselves. And if this person ever posts a photo of herself, and somehow the magic algorithm decides that I should be allowed to see this–even though I never asked to be privy to this woman’s posts– I’d be glad to congratulate her.
But aside from perhaps before and after photos on a plastic surgeon’s website, I don’t see an appropriate time and place for disembodied pictures of anatomical parts. It does not empower anyone. And that’s a hill I’d be happy to die on.
But smartphones and social media haven't just changed the way people act in public spaces and it hasn’t just turned us all into a bunch of faceless exhibitionists. It has also started to destroy language.
I knew we were heading for irreversible trouble a few years back when I walked into Taco Bell and the uniform T-Shirts everyone was wearing had the phrase “Because Cheese” emblazoned on the back. What, exactly, does that mean? Am I the only one who sees the glaring idiocy in all of this? I’m not trying to be a curmudgeonly old bastard and I do appreciate that language is a live and evolving entity, but no one ever said it should be a devolving entity.
There was a time when being well spoken and/or discerning was a thing that people aspired to. Now everyone seems to want to talk like one of the Rugrats and act like Mae West with brain damage.
What is the end game? Where is all of this heading? It’s difficult to predict. There’s no frame of reference or precedent to draw upon for comfort. Kind of like when the leader of the free world was on national television riffing about maybe doctors being able to shoot sunlight up our collective asses or bleach into our bloodstreams. Most of us laughed, but I didn’t.
I realized that we likely reached a point, as a society, that we’d never be able to return from.
Because preposterous.
Billy, this is good, really good. Granted, I use social media, tons of cat and food photos which I delete ever couple of months. I am sad to see folks walking with their faces on their phones and ear buds in. I have had to side steps too many times to not get smashed into them. And kids watching videos all day to keep them "entertained and quiet." What happened to children going outside early and playing all day? Running, jumping, climbing trees, riding bikes, jump rope, jacks and more. I am a believer in change, when it is for the good. But it seems rarer to get a phone call, or a text with real words and not sentences in a string of SIL, bro, LOL...and 4 emojis (I confess, I do like emojis). Handwriting does change over the centuries, thank goodness, however even scribble has changed to poorly spelled scribble with incomplete sentences. And I agree with you about folks filming events instead of enjoying them and what happened to no filming? I was writing an outline on the white board in 2008 and the students asked what were those funny things: I, IV, V, etc? I asked if they still taught roman numerals and they were clueless, so I missed the memo they are obsolete. Ok, time for me to check my Instagram account. Insert funny emoji of your choice, or not. Thanks for sharing this, now it is time for me to go study and type up my handwritten notes.
yeah. i've been saying similar things for at least a decade. :(